I call it BoomerBrowsing, something old codgers do at two in the morning when they can’t sleep. I wonder what happened to John Smith who always wanted to fight when I was in the third grade? Back then I tried to stay away from him; but, strangely enough, now I wonder if he is in prison for assault and battery? I wonder what happened to the twirlers in our marching band… I sure hope they are aging better than I am. I think I’ll check my social security account. I wonder if I could get a better deal on my supplemental health insurance. 

BoomerBrowsing and Facebook are joined at the hip. Facebook used to be so ‘cool’ but now there’s only OLD people on it. I’m so tired of old people. I’m an old people. I’m so tired of me. I think I’ll go over to Instagram and see how the grandkids are doing. They’re always so cute;, but, you know, the grandkids make me feel old, too. Maybe the wife and I could go on a trip. I have a lot of frequent flyer miles saved up. I sure would like to use them up before I die…This is BoomerBrowsing. 

Of course, there is also RegretCrawling. This is another internet disease that the aged are particularly prone to. I should have studied harder. I wonder what happened to John Smith? I should have punched him in the nose. And there’s always regret associated with high school twirlers; but I was infatuated with them all, each and every one. 

Then there’s regret about one’s profession, the one from which you’ve retired. I should have designed that garden differently. I should have planted more post oaks and pines. I wonder how much landscapers are charging their customers these days? I should have charged more. 

The real regret, though, is associated with what I didn’t do. I would have loved to have been an astronomer. That profession checks off all the right boxes. There’s something romantic about it yet scientific. When half the world is asleep, you’re awake and your mind is up in the stars. Why didn’t I study astronomy? Oh, I know. Then and now (I’ve searched this on the internet) that profession demands mathematic skills which I don’t have. Such is RegretCrawling.

You don’t have to be aged to do RegretCrawling. Young people are filled with regret; they just don’t admit it. They are continually second guessing themselves. That fellow you refused repeated invitations to meet at Starbucks… what’s going on with him? How can I get out from under these student loans? I should have been less impatient and worked myself through college. Speaking of debt, I wonder how close I am to maxing out my credit cards? 

RegretCrawling, generally, is not a good idea for the old and infirm or even for the young and healthy. Yet, last night as I went to the woodpile for more logs for the fire, the sky was so crystalline and clean that I wanted to be an astronomer. What about that new astronomy app I was hearing about? Time for some BoomerBrowsing.